Still Flat

Dear Future Boyfriend,

                You might have already picked up on the fact that I am pretty weird, and hopefully you feel it’s tolerable or possibly endearing. I obviously find you charming in some way or another. If I did not I would have halted all your advances way earlier. I might not have shown you my entire self already, because there is a lot. In this letter I am not going to touch on every random twist in my short life, but I will touch on some things that you will face on our ride together.

                My parents call me every day. Not in the cute, honey you need to tell me everything you are doing and make sure you pack enough socks kind of way, but instead, my parents are always fighting each other and acting like children. They always put me in the middle, and it is pretty hard on me. What’s the hardest is when one of them hurts my brother or sister. My parents put me through a lot and I was strong enough to deal with it and I got over it, but I never want my siblings to have to deal with any of my parent’s immaturities. So when I am really sad it’s probably because they used my brother or sister and one of them was hurt in the process. I feel so much for them, all while trying to protect them and let them be their own person at the same time.

                I over-analyze everything, and I am way too hard on myself. If I say that my hair looks funny or a dress looks too tight, please do not tell me that I am wrong. I am very self-aware, and I am not an insecure person fishing for compliments. I just overly critique. If I were you I would just kiss me to distract me from all the thoughts buzzing around my head. Besides, your opinion is the only one that matters anyways (usually I’m not that mushy).

                I do not need advice, but rather support. I have just recently realized that if I fail the world will not end. I am really motivated when it comes to all things related to my career and school. I have plenty of backup plans for every possible scenario in my life, and spoken to a lot of professionals in my field for advice, so please do not try to advise me just support me.

                I talk way too much about things that do not matter. It’s the way my family is, so it’s almost a habit for me to just find something, or anything to talk about. You do not have to remember everything I say, just listen when it seems like something I really care about.

                I have a very hard time expressing how I feel verbally. “Woah, wait. You just said you talk too much?” Yes even though I talk about myself way too much because I am a conversational narcissist, it is going to be really hard for me to tell you how I feel. I am sorry and I am going to try really hard. This is a silly manifestation from past relationships that no longer matter and with this new one I am going to try to change for the better. Please be patient, and know that I only try so hard because you do matter to me.

                Thank you,

                Me